How to be Good

I have been living in this flat for over a year. For over a year I looked to a book on a shelf at the cupboard in the living-room. Somebody must have left that book there ages ago, one of the many crew who lived here during the past 10 years. And for a year I gave no attention to the book whatsoever.

However I ran out of books to read and decided to try that one. Not that I did not fancy reading it before but I always had a ‘better’ one to indulge myself. Have you heard of Nick Hornby? Maybe you did, maybe you didn’t but he is quite big in the UK. He wrote several best sellers and some even turned into movies. The one I am about to finish reading is called ‘How to be Good’. And as a matter of fact, this is the problem I face now. How can I be a good person again?

Strangely enough, I feel I have turned into a monster. I became racist and conservative in a way, the kind who could think of voting for Le Pen or saying No to the European constitution or demonstrating against the inclusion of Turkey into the EU. Worst of all, I started highlighting people by their skin colour or racial origin and even religion. Guess there is so much anger hidden inside of me caused by the thousands of passengers mistreating me, abusing of my ‘nicety’ and me having to hold back, of course. But I do not want to be a monster. But are we not all a bit ‘monsters’ in a way?

At the same time, there is a character in the book called GoodNews. He is kind of a lunatic spiritual healer who found his calling taking Ecstasy on a London club. He is able to heal our souls. He cannot heal the main character, Katie Carr, because she is like a flat battery. This is exactly how I feel now, like a flat battery!!! It is quite a scary feeling because it means my brain does not work anymore (not at the super genius speed it used to), I sit at home staring at the ceiling for hours on end on my days off and even during layovers I sleep, and eat and do not bother to leave the hotel room anymore. There are plenty of emails sitting on my mailbox, waiting to be replied but I do not find the energy to do so. It feels awful!!!

Have I turned into somebody else? Can I be the old Vicente again? Should I join a cult? Go to Church? Become muslim? Stop drinking wine?

Another big contributing factor for me feeling so lost is caffeine withdrawal. I used to have two cups of coffee a day, the real double expresso thing. But I found out that without the coffee my brain does not function (for the usual things in life such as supermarket decisions, setting up the alarm clock, remembering your staff number and so on). Now that I have not had coffee for a few days my body is grinding to a halt. Oh my god!!!!!

Anyway, thought you would find it interesting to see where this crazy life is leading me!!! Would it not be time for a change? Or a break, a real breake, not in Tokyo or Paris but at home, sleeping early, waking up and going to the gym, watching TV and reading in the living room… Well, tough life because tomorrow I have to leave again, to Nairobi!!!